it's been 10 days - am I relaxed yet?

10 days in!
As is true with life, it's been a mix of awesomeness, dullness & complete yuck!

We had a wonderful Christmas & New Years together... quiet-ish (as quiet as it can be with two very noisy children in our midst), relaxing and filled with love.  Christmas Eve at McClure continues to inspire me... there is just something about that place that feels magical.  It's almost always amazing but at Christmas, the love of Christ is actually tangible.  Despite being sick and unable to talk (gasp!), it was lovely.

Two days into sabbatical I received word from my colleague and friend, Ron, that a wonderful young woman from McClure was nearing the end of life.  Shock!  Only one week earlier I was with her, celebrating the 40th birthday of a mutual friend amidst 80s music, 80s games, crimped hair and slouch socks.  My heart aches for her family, for her many friends and for the young women she led in the CGIT group.  My first instinct was to reach out. I debated internally, talked it over with my beloved and another trusted friend, and decided instead to honor the sabbatical time and trust my colleagues capable hearts and hands to offer the necessary care to a grieving community.  I know the grieving will not end in the next 5 months and there will still be opportunity for me to reach out and offer my love.  I did, however, attend the service celebrating her life.  It was a wonderful celebration.

Much of my time so far has been spent studying Spanish.  Although my primary purpose for visiting Nicaragua is to learn Spanish, I feel I would like to, at the very least, be able to ask for a cup of tea and the bathroom:  "puedo tomar una taza de te, por favor?" and "donde esta el bano?"  I've labelled almost everything in our home with the corresponding spanish word.

I must admit that many days I haven't gotten out of my pajamas until lunch time and I've also watched more tv than is necessary (some might argue that any tv is more than necessary) ~ but I'm working on not feeling too guilty about that.  As I expected, I am feeling completely exhausted.  When I start to release McClure and my ministry there, space becomes available for other things... tiredness being one of them.  The realization of how much of my life is consumed by my role at McClure has hit me.  For almost 6 years I have spent almost every day at the church... every Sunday... most weeknights and the occasional Saturday.  Most of the people I know in Saskatoon are somehow connected to McClure.  When I set McClure aside (as I am doing) from my day-to-day life, there remains an unsettling emptiness.  I guess this sabbatical is a time to sit with that less-than-comfortable feeling and reflect (and hopefully act on) what it means to regain some sense of balance.  I have found this particularly tricky as Hope grows older and needs me less (or at least needs me in a different, less demanding way).  It used to be that I was limited in how much time I could spend at work or thinking about work because I needed to be home and present for Hope after school and in a more structured way on the weekends.  Forced balance?  This year has been a little more like that with the addition of Meran (9) and Mashall (7) into our homes.  However, this has created its own, sometimes overwhelming, challenges around personal space and time.  I think a healthy life balance will be a constant struggle (and I suspect I'm not alone in this).  Sabbatical time gives me the space I need to ponder and evaluate.

It is now 2 1/2 weeks til I depart to Nicaragua.  I fly out on January 27th at 10am with a stop in Calgary and one in Houston, Texas.  I will arrive in Managua, Nicaragua at 9pm.  My host family will be meeting me at the airport and transporting me to their home in Esteli, where I will be staying until March 25th.  I'm almost ready.  All that I need to do now is purchase travel insurance, get some American cash and figure out how to pack 2 months worth of stuff into the backpack I am taking.  Fortunately the temperatues in Nicaragua average at 27 degrees so I will be able to pack light.


I'm not even talking about how much I'm going to miss Jordan and Hope...