somewhere between completely overwhelmed and very happy

Day 3

It will be impossible for me to paint even close to an accurate picture of what I am experiencing.  My senses are on complete overload.  Sound of horse hooves, roosters, horns honking and, of course, Spanish voices (of which I understand nada).  Smell of wood fires, fresh fruit & horse poop.  Sight of bright colors mixed in with paint peeling concrete... dogs everywhere (none of which I´m supposed to pet)... beautiful mountains and greenery laced with an unbelievable amount of trash.  Taste of corn tortillas, beans & rice... also fresh banana, papaya, pineapple & mandarines.   It is so completely amazing... more than what I expected it to be and completely different too.  The people seem nice enough but mostly they just stare at me.  An interesting perspective to be in the minority.  Yet another uncomfortable experience that I can learn from.

The home I am staying in is a tiny little home... walls are concrete slabs a with corragated tin roof.  It is an open air home, meaning the walls are not attached to the ceiling leaving about a 6 inch gap along the top.  Lots of fresh air.  The living-dining area is tiny with a small couch a small table and mini tv, a couple of plastic chairs and a camping type stove in the corner.  Most of the cooking happens in the backyard over an open fire.  This is where the kitchen is.  There are 3 sinks (for dishes and washing clothes... which Karla´s mom is going to have to teach me how to do).  The bathroom is also in the back and the shower is attached.  Also in the backyard are a banana tree and two mango trees.  My bedroom is just off the dining-living room area.  It is very comfortable with a mosquito net surrounding the bed to keep out the bugs and lizardy things )praise God).  Karla´s family have a little store in the front of their house and sell things like candy, small toiletries and other stuff I haven´t figured out yet).  It is very very simple living indeed and I feel completely comfortable and safe there.  Lucilla and Jueves (Karlas parents) do not speak any English but we are finding ways to understand each other.  I definitely know the words for food and eat.

Yesterday my friend, Karla, took me to a place called San Nicolas.  It´s a beautiful park type area to walk and see the mountain view.  I took many photos but need to wait for Karla to come home (she works in Managua which is 2 hours away during the week) to show me how to post them.  Oddly, the computers here are all in Spanish... as is the keyboard... so I´m a wee limited in what I can do.   We took the bus to San Nic... also an interesting experience of being gazed upon.  The city transit here are old school buses.  It was about a half hour ride.  The scenery was astounding.  Magnificent.  I felt so relaxed... at peace... until Karla asked me if I´d ever seen a serpentina before (snake).   She assured me that they don´t bother people but I wasn´t quite convinced.

We arrived home at about 530, had a bite to eat (rice & beans) and then Karla invited me to come to church with her.  Karla is Pentecostal.  I knew that it would be a different experience for me but I had NO idea how different it might be.  It was in a house.  There was lots of shouting (screaming really) and singing.  The service was 2 and a half hours long and the sermon was over an hour.  The blessing for me was that I couldn´t understand any of it.  I don´t think I´ll go with her again.

This morning Karla left very early to go to Managua.  At 730 I set out for school.  Karlas friend, Esmilda, offered to walk with me on my first day to be sure I wouldn´t get lost.  It took us approximately 15 minutes door to door.  My teacher is wonderful.  Her name is Fatima.  It started with a test (of which I knew practically nothing).  The instruction happens one on one.  Just me and Fatima for 4 hours.  It was an amazing morning.  I learned more this morning than I did in 10 weeks of study in Saskatoon.  I also have mucho homework this evening to keep me busy.  I think this will be very good for me and I will learn tons and tons.

This afternoon I went to the Casa de cultura.  It´s a community centre in Esteli that, I think, teaches things like art, music, theatre, dance etc.  It was a very busy place.  I was toured by an English speaking fellow (again.. praise God for small miracles).  His name was Marcelo (I think).  After that I went to a museum of history.  It looked really interesting but I (again) couldn´t understand anything.  I did look at the photos of the Nicaraguan revolution and could figure out bits and pieces of what happened.  I hope to return in a month or so and be able to have a better appreciation.

Now I will return to mi casa (my home) for a wee nap and to tackle my homework for tomorrow.   I´m at an internet cafe just down the block from where I´m staying.  Very accessible.   I should be able to stay in touch easily.

Blessings to you!

I´m here!!!

Hola.  I have arrived at my new home in Esteli, Nicaragua.  The flight here was rather uneventful.  I did not, despite my certainty I would, get lost in the Houston airport.  I had to take a subway from one end of the airport to the other to a different terminal but I figured it out and had time to spare.  (although I must admit to being drenched in perspiration by that point).  My amiga Karla & her mama were at the airport to meet me.  It was so good to see Karla again.  For those of you who don´t know, Karla was one of the Canada World Youth volunteers who stayed with us for 3 months last summer.  We spent the night in Managua at a hotel.  Karla is now working in Managua so her mom and I hung out on Saturday until she got off work at 3.  It was a quite time together as Karla´s mom doesn´t speak any English and even though I´ve memorized a vast number of Spanish nouns and verbs... none of it sounds like I imagined it would.  So I sent much time napping & reading.  Managua is a very dangerous city so we didn´t venture too far from the hotel.  Yesterday at 4pm we came by car to Esteli... arriving at about 8pm.   Karla´s home feels very comfortable.  I will post photos as soon as I can.  Her parents are very warm & hospitable (at least I think they are... whatever they are saying, they are saying with a smile).  Today, Karla is taking me around Esteli... showing me where the school is.. the bank.. the internet cafe.  Tomorrow I start school at 8pm.  It´s about a 20 minute walk from home.

Today I feel overwhelmed by the newness & difference.  I was woken up this morning by roosters crowing, wild dogs howling and the sound of horse hoofs on the roads outside.  Totally surreal.  People are staring at me (and this time it isn´t my imagination).  I kind of glow white.  A very interesting perspective.  I don´t understand the language, the money or the customs... but somehow I have a sense that things will be ok.  I feel safe... and that is the most important thing.

So blessings to everyone.  Be well.

Love,
Laura

and after alllllll the waiting...

Months of anticipation... of planning... of doubting... of excitement... and the time has come! In 14 hours I will be boarding the plan for Nicaragua. It's kind of a crazy weekend. Jordan had to fly off this morning (early!) to go to Toronto for church related meetings. Meran & Mashall boarded the bus to Naicam to spend the weekend with my mom. Tomorrow Hope will be heading over to a friend's house where she will spend the weekend. In the morning, the amazing Angie Bugg will be picking Hope and I up and transporting us to the airport where she will get to witness one heck of a sob fest... she has then kindly agreed to drive Hope home. While saying goodbye to Jordan was not easy this morning, the anticipation of saying goodbye to Hope is heart wrenching. And yet, at the same time, despite all of my anxiety, I know without a doubt that this is the right thing to do – for me and for my family. Hope and I had a wonderful afternoon & evening together – silliness, lots of food and hair dye. Soon, we are going to cuddle together and watch some t.v. before we drift off to sleep. I both want this day to never end... and to hurry up and be over.

This feels like the perfect time to rave about my amazing daughter for a moment or two. She truly is amazing. I am just so darn proud of her. She's intelligent, saucy, independent, stubborn (qualities that used to drive me crazy but that I now am quite in love with). She's beautiful, self-confident, curious, ambitious. She's critical, politically aware (far beyond her years). She has a sharp, scientific mind that appreciates logic & reason and yet she is also interested in exploring matters of faith. It is because Hope is who she is that I feel confident enough to leave her for 2 months. If I were at all concerned for her well-being.. or doubted her ability to cope with my absence... I would not be taking this trip. Tonight we were at Montana's for supper and I started to have what could have ended up in a serious anxiety attack... worrying about tomorrow and making it from point A to point B in one piece... she took my hands in hers, looked me in the eyes and assured me that (1) I am not an idiot (2) I will not get lost (3) I will be fine. It was so comforting. And then we ate the biggest yummiest baked cookie covered in caramel and ice cream. *sigh*

I will post again as soon as I am able. Hopefully on Saturday to let those of you who are worried for me know that I have arrived safely (although if you don't hear from me Saturday assume that it's not because I'm lost in Texas but because I haven't been able to find an internet cafe).

So until then... peace to you!

Love,

me

it's been 10 days - am I relaxed yet?

10 days in!
As is true with life, it's been a mix of awesomeness, dullness & complete yuck!

We had a wonderful Christmas & New Years together... quiet-ish (as quiet as it can be with two very noisy children in our midst), relaxing and filled with love.  Christmas Eve at McClure continues to inspire me... there is just something about that place that feels magical.  It's almost always amazing but at Christmas, the love of Christ is actually tangible.  Despite being sick and unable to talk (gasp!), it was lovely.

Two days into sabbatical I received word from my colleague and friend, Ron, that a wonderful young woman from McClure was nearing the end of life.  Shock!  Only one week earlier I was with her, celebrating the 40th birthday of a mutual friend amidst 80s music, 80s games, crimped hair and slouch socks.  My heart aches for her family, for her many friends and for the young women she led in the CGIT group.  My first instinct was to reach out. I debated internally, talked it over with my beloved and another trusted friend, and decided instead to honor the sabbatical time and trust my colleagues capable hearts and hands to offer the necessary care to a grieving community.  I know the grieving will not end in the next 5 months and there will still be opportunity for me to reach out and offer my love.  I did, however, attend the service celebrating her life.  It was a wonderful celebration.

Much of my time so far has been spent studying Spanish.  Although my primary purpose for visiting Nicaragua is to learn Spanish, I feel I would like to, at the very least, be able to ask for a cup of tea and the bathroom:  "puedo tomar una taza de te, por favor?" and "donde esta el bano?"  I've labelled almost everything in our home with the corresponding spanish word.

I must admit that many days I haven't gotten out of my pajamas until lunch time and I've also watched more tv than is necessary (some might argue that any tv is more than necessary) ~ but I'm working on not feeling too guilty about that.  As I expected, I am feeling completely exhausted.  When I start to release McClure and my ministry there, space becomes available for other things... tiredness being one of them.  The realization of how much of my life is consumed by my role at McClure has hit me.  For almost 6 years I have spent almost every day at the church... every Sunday... most weeknights and the occasional Saturday.  Most of the people I know in Saskatoon are somehow connected to McClure.  When I set McClure aside (as I am doing) from my day-to-day life, there remains an unsettling emptiness.  I guess this sabbatical is a time to sit with that less-than-comfortable feeling and reflect (and hopefully act on) what it means to regain some sense of balance.  I have found this particularly tricky as Hope grows older and needs me less (or at least needs me in a different, less demanding way).  It used to be that I was limited in how much time I could spend at work or thinking about work because I needed to be home and present for Hope after school and in a more structured way on the weekends.  Forced balance?  This year has been a little more like that with the addition of Meran (9) and Mashall (7) into our homes.  However, this has created its own, sometimes overwhelming, challenges around personal space and time.  I think a healthy life balance will be a constant struggle (and I suspect I'm not alone in this).  Sabbatical time gives me the space I need to ponder and evaluate.

It is now 2 1/2 weeks til I depart to Nicaragua.  I fly out on January 27th at 10am with a stop in Calgary and one in Houston, Texas.  I will arrive in Managua, Nicaragua at 9pm.  My host family will be meeting me at the airport and transporting me to their home in Esteli, where I will be staying until March 25th.  I'm almost ready.  All that I need to do now is purchase travel insurance, get some American cash and figure out how to pack 2 months worth of stuff into the backpack I am taking.  Fortunately the temperatues in Nicaragua average at 27 degrees so I will be able to pack light.


I'm not even talking about how much I'm going to miss Jordan and Hope...