Waiting and other such nonsense...

Advent is my favorite time of the year.  I love the energy and excitement of waiting... for the gathering of family & friends, for gifts, for huge feast and, of course, for the celebration of the birth of Christ.  Normally, I love the time of waiting - and preparing.  
But this year it feels different.  Advent isn't even here yet and already I've moved on to January.  I can tell it will be a constant struggle for me, over the next four weeks, to stay in the present moment and to not allow my mind to be filled with anxiousness about sabbatical thoughts.
So I'm going to name my anxiousness right here... just put it out there and then, hopefully, find a way (with God's help) to let it go (at least for a little while).  So I'm anxious about:

• having too much unstructured time... not using my time wisely... wasting time... not making time to do what is important... 
• not allowing myself to be present in the moment so as to miss the presence of God as it moves around and through me
• traveling on my own to Nicaragua... getting lost... missing my flight...
• arriving in Nicaragua.. getting lost... not understanding the language... not being able to find the bathroom... being thrown in jail (no idea what that's about!)
• not being able to learn Spanish well enough to communicate... spending two months in Nicaragua feeling stupid and not being able to communicate
• Nicaraguan bugs
• missing my family too much
• not being missed by my family enough
• having too high of expectations for my time away and being disappointed in the end

That's enough for now.  The funny thing about anxiety is - the more attention I give it the greater it becomes.  Perhaps if I redirect that attention to my last month of ministry before Sabbatical starts I can regrow my excitement for Advent  instead.  Hmmmm....